Sunday, April 8, 2012

the cake

Easter felt a little off this year.  Life is challenging me.  It was so unexpected and it really hit me in the gut...hard.  The biggest thing that is bugging me about today is that I never dyed eggs with Amber.  Now she did not ask.  My niece was here for the weekend and they saw a movie and like every time my niece is here she completely gives Amber her undivided attention and so that made my guilt of not doing eggs lighter.  I like to think that the short comings I am experiencing because of this shit in my life are over looked and that she'll remember the cake. 

That the fact that I didn't put any decorations up till 9:00 pm last night will go over looked and the cake will be remembered.  That the times over the last few weeks where my shoulders have felt heavy and my enthusium low, that she will not remember that but she will remember that great cake her awesome mom made for Easter.

It is funny but with challenges like the one I am facing, at first it is so very upsetting but with each day you adapt, you navigate it, you learn from it and the most import of all you get stronger. The key to it all is being positive and living authentically.  I am working on doing both of those things.

My dad said to me today, "your mom wanted me to tell you we are a day and half drive away if you need us".  I love that he said that to me.  I am good with dealing with this alone but I appreciate the love behind his words. I have been so lucky to have them close for a few months.  I appreciate them so very much.  Their absolutley unconditional love makes me glow.  We defiantly will miss them but will be enjoying the real fun marble game they introduced us to. 

My dad made us a board and they gave us everything we need to play.  It is quite a fun game.  I found a site here that shows different boards that people have made.  We will use it lots but I don't think any of us will get as good as Amber at it!!!

I am going to try to live authentically for a few moments and knit a row or two.  I hope everyone had a great Easter!

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